Confession Time

Lately, I am realizing that I am having a hard time with figuring out when to do things for myself and when to even pray. My little fella still wakes several times throughout the night to eat (and, albeit rarely, to play- like the other night when he was up from 1am until 3:30 am). We get up each morning at 5 to get ready for work... sometimes, I sleep in until 5:15. When that happens or when the wee one is expecting to eat just as I am getting up to get ready for work, I sort of forget about praying. I don't do it intentionally, I just know that I have to hurry and get ready so that we can leave by 6:30 so that I can get the wee one to my mother in-laws and so that I can get to work on time. Jeff and I say prayer before we leave in the morning, but I am definitely lacking in my personal morning prayers. However, I can't figure out how to say a heartfelt, kneeling-by- the-bedside prayer. More often than not, I pray in the car on the way to work and often my prayers are quick (though still heartfelt) and go something like this: "I pray that I can make to work safely and on time" "Please bless Caleb that he'll have a good day and bless Jeff's mom for taking care of him while I'm at work" (I prayed that she would have the patience to take care of him during his fussy days, but quickly realized that that might not be a good thing to pray for). "I pray that I can get everything done that I need to get done at work today". I mean every word, I do, but I still feel bad that I didn't make time in the morning to kneel by my bedside and pray. It's something I need to work on- it's definitely a challenge of mine. I do say my nightly prayers and we do read scriptures together as a family- which is another thing I am struggling with lately- finding time for my personal scripture study. 

When I was on maternity leave, I just read with baby on my lap. I would read aloud to him and then "discuss" what I'd read with him. But now that I am back at work, finding time to read the scriptures twice daily has just become an insurmountable task. 

My days go something like this: 

Sometime between 5 and 5:15 am- wake up, shower, get dressed, feed baby (sometimes- depending on when he last ate), sometimes pump, help Jeff get lunches together, get bottles ready, make sure diaper bag is packed and ready to go (I usually try to make sure the diaper bag is ready the night before), morning prayer with Jeff and baby and out of the house by 6:30 at the latest.

We drive 40-45 minutes to Jeff's parents' house to drop of C-man. Sometimes I can hang around for a couple of minutes before I head to work. 

Work starts at 8 and ends at 4. 

I drive 35ish minutes to my in-laws to pick up C-man. Sometimes, I feed him before we leave, sometimes we just pack up and leave, sometimes we wait for Jeff and we'll all drive home together. And sometimes, they'll invite us for dinner so we'll stay and eat.

Then we get home anywhere from 5:45 to 7:30 pm.

We then prepare dinner (if we didn't eat already), read scriptures, bathe the little guy, get him ready for bed, feed him, put him to bed- if he's ready (lately, he's been refusing to go to bed at the normal time). Occasionally, we need to go grocery shopping or do some other type of shopping before dinner and bedtime routine. And then by the time all of that is done, I am beat. Especially since, most likely, I did not get much sleep before. So you see, finding time for my own personal scripture study just seems impossible.

Which leads me to my next topic. I am fully capable of being a full-time employee, a full-time or part-time student (whatever the case may be) and a mother. I am capable of being all of those things sepately and more. I am also a wife, a visiting teacher, a visiting teacher supervisor, a sister, a daughter and a granddaughter. I can fill all of those roles usually. However, I am learning that though I can be a student, and employer and a mother separately, I am having an awful difficult time being all three together. I can even be an employee and a student together and probably a mother and a student or a mother and an employee, but with all three- I just don't know how I am going to get through these next few months. I hardly have time to do school work (not to mention, housework). 

Saturday, I was determined. I was going to get all of my school-work done. Did I? Nope. I didn't complete anything (but one really short, quick, easy thing). Why? Because my sweet boy just wouldn't nap. He didn't sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time and only took two very short naps. Jeff was busy doing yardwork with my uncle (They spent 6 hours working on our yard... though there is still a lot of work to be done, it does look tons better). And then by the evening, we had errands to run  and things to do to prepare for the birthdays we were to celebrate at my house on Sunday after church. 

I happened to take today off from work. I was hoping to go up to DC today (well really Maryland, to the temple) and was planning on it, up until yesterday when we decided that I should work on my homework- see, because I am supposed to graduate in December (Woot! Woot!), but that's not gonna happen if I can't get this stuff done. We're gonna go on Saturday instead. 

And, I just put the baby boy down for a nap right before blogging... and what do I decide to do instead of my homework. Oy veh, DeAnna, when will you learn?!

Well, just so you know, I did complete some homework first thing this morning and I've been trying to work on it this morning in between laundry, playing with my sweet boy (who I am so totally in love with), and other things. 

Since this is such a long post, I guess I should add a picture or two (or more)...

 My grandmother and grandfather... I love my sweet boy's expression.

 The birthday boy (10/5), my nephew.

 The birthday girl (10/9), my sister.

 Another birthday girl (10/6), my sister.

 This picture just makes me laugh. We consolidated Miles' birthday presents into those two bags and Isaac decided he was going to take them. :)

 My sister Ashley, her daughter Miyah and my dad, Barry.

 Most of the gang, at least all of the kids and my dad.

Me and baby.

Doctor Visit

For record-keeping purposes really, but read on if you're interested...

So Sunday evening Caleb started to get really fussy. Then that night he just screamed and screamed and screamed. He screamed all night long, not really sleeping longer than an hour. Needless to say, I was exhausted. When it was time to get up at about 5 am, I was near tears myself because I was so tired. I nursed Caleb and he fell asleep in my arms. I also fell asleep and then Jeff woke me up at 5:20. I startled awake which started Caleb awake which then led to more screaming. So, I nursed him again. He fell asleep again for a short while- I got in the shower, but when I got out he was with Jeff, wide awake. He was in his seat and started fussing so I got him and brought him into the bedroom with me while I continued to get dressed. He seemed like he was in a fine mood for a little while and even offered me some smiles. Well, then he started crying again, so I held him and talked with him and bounced him. Then that crying turned into screaming. I didn't know what else to do, so I nursed him and he fell asleep. I continued to get ready for work and get him ready. Jeff held him for awhile and played with him (he obviously woke up). Then when it was time to go, he started screaming again. We were running late so I thought we should just put him in his seat and maybe he'll stop. Wrong! He screamed and screamed and screamed so loud and so hard that he could hardly breathe. So I took him out and held him close and told him it would be okay and that I loved him. And then I nursed him until he fell asleep- it didn't take long. The poor guy was exhausted! Once he fell asleep, I tried to gently burp him and then put him in his seat. He was fine. He slept for 3 hours!! I know because my mother-in-law told me. He really was exhausted.

Well, then he was fine for a little while at her house but then he screamed for like 30 minutes or more straight and she couldn't calm him. I called the doctor and made an appointment for that afternoon. I met her (because I was at work). When they got there, he was asleep. I had to completely undress him which woke him up and then he had to get his temperature taken rectally, which was normal (99.1). He then got weighed, 15lbs 9oz. He's a healthy boy. Then we weighted for the doctor. He did an exam and said that Caleb looked like he was healthy. He said he's definitely thriving. His ears, throat, nose, eyes all looked good. I told him that Caleb was hoarse since Tuesday (when he got two of his vaccinations). He said he wanted to do a blood count just to check since he looked completely fine on the outside. When he came back in, he said that Caleb's blood count is the most normal he's seen in a long time. He looks perfect. So, why this sudden screaming? He said that given Caleb's history, his best guess is that it was GI tract related and that it was caused from something that I ate. Great. He said that it could also be that he's gotten a cold and his throat was bothering him. He then said that if he screamed again like that to give him a dose of Tylenol and that should help him. Finally, he said that if he continued to do it for two more days to give him another call.

So how was last night? Well, he screamed still... it wasn't quite as frequently as the night before, but it was enough to make me exhausted again today. Remember when I wrote that post a couple of weeks ago about his screaming fit (it, too, was a Sunday), well that was food related, too. He had had some milk-based formula, which I think really messed up his little body. He had a pretty hard week and then finally, he was better (after he had a couple of BMs.). He was doing well, so I decided to try to take him off of the Prevacid and didn't give it to him at all on this past Friday or Saturday. I mentioned that to the doctor and he said that he's glad I'm trying to take him off, but that he doesn't think Caleb is ready for that yet. He said it might take until he's 6 or 9 months old. So I guess I'll try again in a couple of months. I just don't like that I have to give him medicine and I am really trying to be diligent about keeping my diet one that he can tolerate and am hoping that that will work and I won't need to give him the medication.
Anyway, I took the day off today. One because I am exhausted. I cannot be a good employee, wife, mother with no sleep. I need my rest and I just needed a break. I want to take care of my baby.  Also, yesterday the doctor asked me some question about Caleb and I couldn't answer him. I said, "Well in the evening..." I felt so guilty that I couldn't answer him about the day because I don't see him during the day except for the weekends. Being a working mom is hard. Being a mom, period, is hard. I am doing my best to try and figure it all out. Anyway, he's been a little fussy this morning so far and was fighting sleep though I could see how tired he was but he is finally sleeping now, so I really should try to get some rest. Last night, we both "slept" on the sofa- it was not very comfortable. He looks and sounds so peaceful now. I love his little sleep noises.

3 Months

I have been wanting to write this post since last Sunday (well not this past Sunday but the Sunday before) when Caleb turned 3 months old... but time just kept getting away from me.

My little baby is getting so big!! He's three months old now and I can't believe that much time has passed. At the same time, however, it feels like he's always been here. I love him so much more with each passing day, which I don't even understand how that is possible. It's amazing how my love can increase so much- truly a gift from God. I am realizing that we are blessed with such a capacity for love and it seems to me that being a mother helps us to be more Godlike. Not that I am perfect by any means, I am definitely not as I certainly have weaknesses, but being a mother helps me to have more patience, my capacity to love is far more than I could have ever imagined and it just continues to grow. It helps me understand more my own parents' love for me and Heavenly Father's love for all of His children.

But this post is about my 3 month old dude- not my capacity to love. :)

Now that he is three months- he is more social. He has great eye contact and likes to concentrate on other's faces and objects. He is becoming more and more interested in toys. He likes to look at pictures. I love talking with him and sometimes he'll talk back. He LOVES it when we sing to him, especially when his daddy sings to him. He is getting a lot better at grasping toys and bringing them to his mouth- though sometimes he tries to bring them to his mouth and just gets his fist instead. He sits up pretty well when supported. He laughs and I love it when he does. It's the most beautiful sound in the world. He makes the funniest faces. He has so much personality. He's a wonderful little, er big, baby and just brings so much joy to our lives. I love my little guy!

Oh and we went to the doctor yesterday, which I will write about next and he weighs 15lbs. 9 oz. He's a big boy! :)

Now for some pictures:

This is his first time in the stroller without the carseat. He's such a big boy.

 Enjoying a Sunday stroll.

 I just took this picture because he kept sitting up, he didn't want to lean back in the seat. 

 Okay, this has got to be one of my most favorite pictures. Jeff was singing to him and he just loved it and would try to sing with Jeff... it was such a great moment.

 Adorable.

 Napping in his crib (The only time he sleeps in there).

 I love his laughs!

 Haha! (well until it landed on me anyway- more followed)

 I just love his feet.

Eating his toys... eating is what he does best. :) 

 I just love this picture. 

 We watched General Conference on the computer. When the choir sang, we put it on the floor for Caleb to see. He loves music!! (Don't worry, I don't let him watch TV usually :)

 Happy Fall!!

We had dinner at my grandparents' house on Sunday after General Conference. My mom is holding the wee one and my grandpa is talking to him. :)