Two days ago was particularly bad. He was up a large part of the night. I would hold him, he'd fall asleep, but as soon as I placed him in his bed, he'd scream. So I'd do it all over again. This happened several times. By the next morning, we were both exhausted. Before 10 am, he had had three full-on tantrums. I mean full-on. I thought he wanted to be held, so I held him, but he continued to scream, hitting and head-butting me. I put him down, he screamed, threw himself on the floor, head-butted me. I tried talking to him, which would work before. It didn't. This happened three times. One time it was because he wanted to watch Mormon Tabernacle Choir videos (no lie). We'd already watched a couple and it was time for something else. At one point I though it was because he wanted a ball. But when I asked, he just continued to scream and thrash about. I have no idea why he tantrumed the third time.
Around 10, because we had had a late night and because it was obvious that he was tired, I decided he was going to have a nap. We continued with our morning routine as usual prior to that (we sing and read a General Conference talk). I then told him it was nap time. I held him and rocked him and sang a few songs to him and then put him in his bed, where he lay quietly for approximately 45 seconds. He was then up and screaming. I decided I'd let him cry for a bit. Afterall, he needed the sleep right? Well, after about 20 minutes, I just couldn't do it anymore, so I got him out of his bed and offered him some milk. He drank his milk on the couch. When he was done, he screamed. At this point, I had had it and I am sad and ashamed to admit that I sort of yelled at him. It wasn't a mean, threatening, incredibly loud, angry, scream-like yell. It was more of a forceful, I'm- exasperated-and-you-need-to-stop kind of yell. I told him that he had a choice: He could take his nap on the couch or in his bed, but that he had to stop screaming. He stopped for a minute and I went into the kitchen to wash dishes. A minute or so later, he screamed- and let me interject here... these are high-pitched, loud, long screams. So, I kind of growled to myself and went to the bathroom and balled my little eyes out.
First, I felt like a complete failure. My whole life I've wanted nothing more than to be a mama. Now that I am one, I don't know how to help my baby figure out his feelings enough that he can stop screaming so much. I yelled at him- what an example I am. Basically, I berated myself for being the worst mother to my sweet boy and here I am getting ready to have another baby. How am I going to do this? After I was able to pull myself together enough to continue on with my morning, I left the bathroom and went back to washing dishes. Caleb continued to lay on the couch. Then he started screaming again! So this time, I told him that he was going to have to get into his bed while I took a shower. So, he lay down in his bed initially but before I could even make it to the bathroom, he was up and screaming and I just turned the shower on. He screamed throughout the entire shower. I quickly got dressed and told him that we had to get him ready for the day. He actually let me change his diaper and get him dressed without a fight- which has also become the biggest battle of our day lately.
We left and headed to the mall. They have a play area that he can play in and since we had to head that way anyway and it was cold and wet, we decided to stop there for awhile. He was a perfectly behaved while we were out and so I just let him play. He had a great time and even made a new friend. We had lunch in the food court with our newfound friends. What started off as a terrible morning was ending up to be a pretty great afternoon.
Afterwards, we headed to pick my sister up from work and to take her to run a couple of errands. Again, he behaved awesomely. We got home and he continued to be pretty great for awhile until I started making dinner. He still had a couple of short, high-pitched screams, but nothing like before.
We had dinner and I explained to Jeff what a rough start to the day we had (and I had debated on telling him, because I seriously felt like I was the worst mother ever. But, it's hard for me to not mention all of my faults to him.) Anyway, I also explained that I knew that he was just discovering his autonomy and that he was starting to understand that he was an individual and that we just needed to help him learn how to express himself better. Jeff didn't make me feel like a bad mother at all, but rather looked up some literature on toddlers and tantrums. It turns out, I did a lot of good things, too...
Once Caleb was in bed, he slept for a couple of hours, but then of course woke up and woke up again and again. His sleeping has just been so out of control lately, which I think makes everything worse for all of us.
Yesterday though, was so much better despite the lack of sleep. Yes there were some bouts of screaming (more like baby raptor sounds- which he does all the time now), but no real tantrums. We had so much fun together, dancing (which I am paying for now), listening to music, reading the same two books over and over and over again (I hid them last night so that maybe I didn't have to read those books again today), making and eating chocolate chip cookies, playing, going to the store. It really was just such a good day. I was able to talk to him again and have him respond positively to me. He was very loveable yesterday and every time I held him, he'd give me a multitude of unsolicited kisses (seriously, the best kind). The only time he threw a fit was last night right before bed when I had to change his diaper. He had a rash, which keeps recurring and I am starting to wonder if it's from his diapers. Other than that, he was pretty great and he even went to sleep great- though not throughout the night.
Anyway, I realize this is a rather long post. If you made it to the end, good for you and thank you for indulging me. :)
Here's to hoping for another great day today. I'm sure we'll have lots of baby raptor sounds, but I can handle those. :)
Sometimes you have to let them cry because it won't kill them n if they aren't hungry or wet or sick, when u let them cry, it teaches them to express themselves differently n shows them that crying will not get them their way.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing! I smiled the whole way through. :) I remember the first time I yelled at Owen, back when there was only one. I still remember the first time yelled at Adam. Oh how I wish I could go back to those days sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you took him out. I remember days when the kids were toddlers where they were so horrible at home, I'd decide enough was enough and we'd go out for the day. It made all the difference. I'm not sure if they were bored or just sick of being in the house, but it made for a better day.
And the screaming... Let's hope it doesn't continue on like this for too long, for your sake. Is he cutting a molar or been checked for an ear infection or anything? I remember all of the kids going through a phase of screaming to the top of their lungs, these high pitched screams, so it could easily just be that, but the molar thing is rough.
Hang in there! You're a great Mom!
I wonder if he is teething? My kiddos often get rashes when they are teething and get really fussy, and even sleep is difficult. Hang in there, we all have moments as Moms that we are not so proud of. But, you have to remember, it is a learning experience for us too. They are here to teach us more than we could ever have learned otherwise, and sometimes we falter-and then learn how so forgiving they are and our Heavenly Father as well-we can't be perfect, we can only do the best we can do. And I am sure that you are doing great!
ReplyDeleteOh, honey! That sounds so frustrating and emotionally draining! You seem to have handled it better than would. My theory is going along with everyone else- teething ...especially molars. Not fun. Or he could be having growing pains. I know I was terrible with those growing up.
ReplyDelete