Thursday, April 5, 2012

Desperate

Please dear readers... I am desperate. How can I get my little baby to sleep? I don't know why, but we were doing really well and then the past couple of nights, it's worse than ever. Last night, it took him an hour to go to sleep with rocking, singing, humming, bouncing, crying, patting. Finally, he went to sleep, but then woke up an hour later. He went to sleep quicker that time but woke up an hour and a half later and was up pretty much for four hours. He wasn't crying non-stop, but cried so often that I just kept him in my bed trying to console him, hugging him, bouncing him, singing to him. He would stop for awhile and then he'd start up again. Finally at 4 this morning, I put him in his bed and turned the hair dryer on (yes, you heard right, the hair dryer- we put it as far away from him as we can and do not face it in his direction- he just likes the noise sometimes). After he was asleep, I turned it off. He slept for about an hour and then woke up, nursed and went back to sleep with me in my bed. Then he woke up at about 7:30 for the day. Today, he hardly napped. He fell asleep nursing and as soon as I moved him to his bed, woke up. He slept for 15 minutes. Later, the same thing, he fell asleep nursing, this time I did not try moving him to his bed, he woke up on his own, almost fifteen minutes later. Finally, later he fell asleep for the third time nursing (which, he doesn't always do, but he's so tired, no doubt) and I just held him and rocked him in the rocker while I read and he slept for 45 minutes until the phone woke him up. (All nights/days are not like the one described above- just so you know- it's definitely on the extreme end).

Tonight, Jeff, thought we should let him cry. We did our usual routine, put him in bed happy. He played for awhile and then he started to fuss and then cry a little more. After he'd been crying for 5 minutes (that's the longest I can usually stand), I went in there. I talked to him, patted him, sang to him, he calmed down, but of course started crying when I left. I let him cry for five minutes more. And went back in there and repeated. Jeff really thought we should let him cry longer and so I did- I just planned our vacation for next week and tried really hard to not focus on it (all the while feeling like the worse kind of mother). Finally, I told Jeff I just couldn't do it anymore, so he is currently in there with him.

Suggestions, friends and fellow mommies? There has got to be something that works, right? I've read and read things online- things for and against cry-it-out, things for and against picking him up when he cries, things for and against it all basically and I just want real- life stories. I want to know what has worked for real people. If you let your baby cry-it-out, how did you feel? Do you feel like it was a right choice for your family? What did you do to help you feel okay or bear the crying of your baby (because it's the worst kind of cry and simply heart wrenching)? If you decided not to do the cry-it-out method, what did you do instead? Did it work? Please help me out. By the way, I would like to say, that I have really been blessed though because though I am tired, it's not a "I don't think I can function" kind of tired. I am still able to function and there are definitely spurts of energy and I never take my pure exhaustion out on the baby (though confession time- today I did put him in his crib and let him cry- because he was even crying while I was holding him before- and shut his door and sat right outside his door and cried myself for about five minutes- then I got over it and went back in and gave up on trying to get him to sleep and just put his focus elsewhere like looking outside and talking about what we see).

Thanks in advance friends. And, Jeff's now out of the baby's room and the baby is quiet- though Jeff said he wasn't asleep when he left. So, maybe he'll go to sleep and sleep well tonight. One can hope, right? (If he does- it will have taken him less than an hour tonight- so that's improvement). :)

(And P.S. I almost hesitate to post this- because, well, I guess I am afraid of judgement, on either side. I just want what is best for my baby, I really do. I love him so much and he is such a sweet, happy, little ray of sunshine most of the time. I need him to sleep for his own good- the doctor is even concerned about him not getting enough sleep in a day (and he suggests letting him cry-it-out and says there are no psychological effects from doing such a thing) and for my well-being. There's only so far you can go without much gas, right?)

9 comments:

  1. Don't worry about people judging! You are your baby's Mommy and YOU know what's best for him! Asking for ideas and advice is one thing, but it doesn't mean you have to take any of the advice if you don't feel it works for you!

    That said, the first thing I'd do is take him to the doctor to see if he has an ear infection. What you've described for the last day or two sound exactly like what our kiddos do when they have an ear infection, before a fever sets in or any other symptoms show up. Check to see if he's cutting a new tooth. If he is, try giving him some Baby Motrin, if you feel comfortable doing so. Tooth pain is THE WORST! I say Baby Motrin because it lasts longer than Tylenol and is a little bit stronger.

    If he's not teething and doesn't have an ear infection, then I think it really is up to you to decide if you should let him cry it out. But, I will say, when Adam was a baby and we were working with his first OT, we watched every sleep training video and tried them. When they didn't work, and our OT saw just how exhausted and drained we looked, he suggested we do what worked for us. If that meant Adam sleeping with us so we actually got sleep, then we should do it, whatever it took to make sure we were getting sleep. I pass that advice on to you. There is a time to work on sleeping habits and there is a time to survive and take care of yourself so you can be the best Mommy possible.

    It does get better! Adam sleeps through the night about every other night.

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  2. Sorry to add a second comment, but I didn't answer all of your questions. Owen was our best sleeper, sleeping through the night at 2 1/2 months old. We just slowly weaned him from one feeding at a time and replaced it with a bottle. BUT, when he started teething, he would scream every night and fall asleep in my arms VERY late, would wake up in the night, and wake up early. After the teething stopped he went back to sleeping well. We did try letting him cry it out but he went horribly wrong. When I found out the reason he was crying was because he was in pain, I felt so awful as a parent. I explained what we tried with Adam. He wouldn't even nap hardly ever. Obviously there were MANY reasons why he wouldn't sleep, and we just had to accept he wasn't going to until he was ready and until we figured out what was going on with his body. He could finally sleep without us holding him upright all night long on the couch when he was 15 months old, and that directly corresponded to when we learned all of his allergies and eliminated them from his diet. Good luck! You're doing great!

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  3. We had a tough time getting my son to sleep when he was younger. We bought a sound machine from walmart that worked wonders! He even still uses it and he is almost 2! There are also tons of sleep books you can get. I couldn't do the cry it out method. The book no cry sleep solution really helped us! Good luck!

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  4. We've tried letting our Caleb cry it out but we can't stand to listen to him crying. He's cranky and cries a lot and has a terribly hard time falling asleep. Usually when he wails nonstop we give him some orajel and it seems to distract him long enough to give us a break. I also only let him nap once in the afternoon until about 3:30-4 about 2 hours. I read somewhere that babies sleep longer when they've taken in enough calories and it does help. I feed him at breakfast time, two snacks and dinner. After dinner, he gets a warm bathe and a bed time bottle and most times he's knocked out after that. If we get really desperate, we throw him into his baby swing (which he's too big for) and turn on some barney and he's out. Don't feel bad. Some days I cry on and off all day. Caleb is my second and he's the complete opposite of Jacob. I'm still trying to figure Things out. Good luck. Private message me if you need anything!

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  5. Hey sweetie! Oh, I really feel for you guys-this is so hard! Our kids are also ones who need noise-even now. We have loud fans in their rooms to help-box fans are fantastic-and they listen to primary songs all through the night as well. We did the cry it out method-and it is SOOOO hard, but it did work for our family-so that's all I know. I do know it doesn't work for some. Be patient with yourself, a lot of people say any method will take time-since kids need consistency. He'll get used to it, if that's the route you choose, or he'll get used to something else...truly, it just takes some time.

    One more thing, I have always noticed with my kiddos, when they were/are overly exhausted and their day was off-either due to teething, running around with momma-whatever it was and their naps were thrown off, then they had a harder nights sleep that night. It always takes them a few days to get back on track.

    It's a learning game always, with every kiddo. Again, be patient with yourself-make Jeff wrap you in his arms and reassure you-and you him. It will be okay, and this will pass! :)

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  6. I don't know if Caleb likes being swaddled...but sometimes it helps.
    Keep trying different things to see what makes him feel safe and secure.
    I've tried nightlights, swaddling, sleeping naked(for just him and both of us skin to skin), pacifiers, music, motion(a swing), cosleeping, warm blankets, no blankets, and so many other things! Do you have a sling? I find that in the afternoons when I come home Gregory more often than not will just fall asleep in his sling curled up next to my heart. It's a little restricting for me, but if it helps them sleep...
    Anyway, You can do it!
    Sometimes... Peter just lets him cry and he puts on his headphones. I can't seem to just let him cry though. So I'm with you there. When he really won't stop crying, let Jeff handle it, because it honestly creates less stress for men (in general) to hear babies cry than for women.

    When you're having a really rough time, call someone who is a good listener. Good luck!

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  7. First, I have to say that I know I am lucky, Malachi is a good sleeper and he just came that way. There have been stages where he had a harder time sleeping and I tried different things, rocking/singing him to sleep, going in every 5 minutes, and letting him cry it out. Overall I have discovered that a combination works best for him. But what makes the biggest difference is a schedule. I read books on how often and what times he should be eating and sleeping for his age, and I observed what he tended to do naturally and I came up with a schedule of eating and sleeping times, and I really try to stick to those times within a half hour in either direction. If he is a bit sleepy too early, I try to keep him amused or I take him outside, if he isn't sleepy we try a couple songs, then he goes down and I check after 5 minutes a couple times and then I let him cry it out. However, if he ever really does seem exhausted I will put him down early and if he ever really screams and shrieks I will let him stay up. For him, this has worked amazingly well. There are hiccups and days that aren't on schedule, but the more I pay attention to him and tweak the schedule and encourage him to stay on the schedule, the better he has slept. Sometimes it was really hard to sacrifice what I wanted or needed to do to keep him on his schedule (leaving some place early, or getting up when I was tired) but it has really worked. We have a bedtime routine now of a prayer, a song, a story, change diaper and clothes, and then nurse and usually he goes right to sleep even if he isn't asleep when we put him in his crib. We always do the bedtime routine at the same time every night and in the same order. And I make an effort to get him up for the day every morning at the same time. At first I just observed about the time he usually woke up, and checked to see what the recommended night time sleep was for his age and then I chose what seemed like the best time, and now he pretty much goes to sleep every night soon after 7:30 and wakes up on his own every morning at 7:30. He does have one night time feeding that he wakes up for, usually around 5:00. He takes two 1 to 2 hour naps at around 11am and 3 pm. He always eats around 5:00, 7:30, 12:30-1:30, 4:30-5:30, and 7:30. I also noticed that now that he is eating some foods, if he hasn't had enough to eat he will wake up extra times.
    And since we are doing the elimination communication, he will sometimes wake up to potty, or if his diaper is too wet.
    When he got his first two teeth, there was about a week of not sleeping as well and then it passed. We did try baby ibuprofen or something like that and it did help, but I felt so nervous using it we only gave him a half dose.
    But, as was previously stated, no two babies are alike, so just trial and error it until you figure it out. But I would say that if you decide to try letting him cry it out, or a schedule, or anything else, be committed to it for a week or two before quitting. If you only do it a day or two you will never know if it will really work.

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    1. Oh DeAnna! I'm sorry he's having a rough time! I've learned over the years that there is no easy "right" answer. My girls were not too difficult in the sleeping department. Letting them cry it out was easy, because ALWAYS within 10 minutes they were asleep. Then Ben came along. There was so such thing as letting him cry it out- he'd cry for an hour straight or more... I didn't know what to do, the only thing that seemed to soothe him was bringing him to bed with us, and making my husband sing to him (hush little baby...) the only song he'd stop crying for! Teething is the worst. Motrin helps! I would focus on what will get you through the day (and night!) more than creating or staying on a routine. There is plenty of time for that. Ben is 21months now, and sleeps in his own crib just fine now, and has since 12mos. He has a fabulous routine (a 3-4 hour nap during the day, and 7:30pm bedtime each night, no having to rock him either)I used to think that letting him sleep with us would spoil him, and start a habit that I couldn't break. (I don't sleep well with a baby in the bed!)Nope, he adjusted just fine. Trial and error! You'll figure it out! You're his momma! You know best.

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  8. I strongly recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". But even this book says that about 1 in 5 babies are just crappy sleepers no matter what you do...
    Good luck my dear!

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