Confession Time

Lately, I am realizing that I am having a hard time with figuring out when to do things for myself and when to even pray. My little fella still wakes several times throughout the night to eat (and, albeit rarely, to play- like the other night when he was up from 1am until 3:30 am). We get up each morning at 5 to get ready for work... sometimes, I sleep in until 5:15. When that happens or when the wee one is expecting to eat just as I am getting up to get ready for work, I sort of forget about praying. I don't do it intentionally, I just know that I have to hurry and get ready so that we can leave by 6:30 so that I can get the wee one to my mother in-laws and so that I can get to work on time. Jeff and I say prayer before we leave in the morning, but I am definitely lacking in my personal morning prayers. However, I can't figure out how to say a heartfelt, kneeling-by- the-bedside prayer. More often than not, I pray in the car on the way to work and often my prayers are quick (though still heartfelt) and go something like this: "I pray that I can make to work safely and on time" "Please bless Caleb that he'll have a good day and bless Jeff's mom for taking care of him while I'm at work" (I prayed that she would have the patience to take care of him during his fussy days, but quickly realized that that might not be a good thing to pray for). "I pray that I can get everything done that I need to get done at work today". I mean every word, I do, but I still feel bad that I didn't make time in the morning to kneel by my bedside and pray. It's something I need to work on- it's definitely a challenge of mine. I do say my nightly prayers and we do read scriptures together as a family- which is another thing I am struggling with lately- finding time for my personal scripture study. 

When I was on maternity leave, I just read with baby on my lap. I would read aloud to him and then "discuss" what I'd read with him. But now that I am back at work, finding time to read the scriptures twice daily has just become an insurmountable task. 

My days go something like this: 

Sometime between 5 and 5:15 am- wake up, shower, get dressed, feed baby (sometimes- depending on when he last ate), sometimes pump, help Jeff get lunches together, get bottles ready, make sure diaper bag is packed and ready to go (I usually try to make sure the diaper bag is ready the night before), morning prayer with Jeff and baby and out of the house by 6:30 at the latest.

We drive 40-45 minutes to Jeff's parents' house to drop of C-man. Sometimes I can hang around for a couple of minutes before I head to work. 

Work starts at 8 and ends at 4. 

I drive 35ish minutes to my in-laws to pick up C-man. Sometimes, I feed him before we leave, sometimes we just pack up and leave, sometimes we wait for Jeff and we'll all drive home together. And sometimes, they'll invite us for dinner so we'll stay and eat.

Then we get home anywhere from 5:45 to 7:30 pm.

We then prepare dinner (if we didn't eat already), read scriptures, bathe the little guy, get him ready for bed, feed him, put him to bed- if he's ready (lately, he's been refusing to go to bed at the normal time). Occasionally, we need to go grocery shopping or do some other type of shopping before dinner and bedtime routine. And then by the time all of that is done, I am beat. Especially since, most likely, I did not get much sleep before. So you see, finding time for my own personal scripture study just seems impossible.

Which leads me to my next topic. I am fully capable of being a full-time employee, a full-time or part-time student (whatever the case may be) and a mother. I am capable of being all of those things sepately and more. I am also a wife, a visiting teacher, a visiting teacher supervisor, a sister, a daughter and a granddaughter. I can fill all of those roles usually. However, I am learning that though I can be a student, and employer and a mother separately, I am having an awful difficult time being all three together. I can even be an employee and a student together and probably a mother and a student or a mother and an employee, but with all three- I just don't know how I am going to get through these next few months. I hardly have time to do school work (not to mention, housework). 

Saturday, I was determined. I was going to get all of my school-work done. Did I? Nope. I didn't complete anything (but one really short, quick, easy thing). Why? Because my sweet boy just wouldn't nap. He didn't sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time and only took two very short naps. Jeff was busy doing yardwork with my uncle (They spent 6 hours working on our yard... though there is still a lot of work to be done, it does look tons better). And then by the evening, we had errands to run  and things to do to prepare for the birthdays we were to celebrate at my house on Sunday after church. 

I happened to take today off from work. I was hoping to go up to DC today (well really Maryland, to the temple) and was planning on it, up until yesterday when we decided that I should work on my homework- see, because I am supposed to graduate in December (Woot! Woot!), but that's not gonna happen if I can't get this stuff done. We're gonna go on Saturday instead. 

And, I just put the baby boy down for a nap right before blogging... and what do I decide to do instead of my homework. Oy veh, DeAnna, when will you learn?!

Well, just so you know, I did complete some homework first thing this morning and I've been trying to work on it this morning in between laundry, playing with my sweet boy (who I am so totally in love with), and other things. 

Since this is such a long post, I guess I should add a picture or two (or more)...

 My grandmother and grandfather... I love my sweet boy's expression.

 The birthday boy (10/5), my nephew.

 The birthday girl (10/9), my sister.

 Another birthday girl (10/6), my sister.

 This picture just makes me laugh. We consolidated Miles' birthday presents into those two bags and Isaac decided he was going to take them. :)

 My sister Ashley, her daughter Miyah and my dad, Barry.

 Most of the gang, at least all of the kids and my dad.

Me and baby.